But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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