i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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