MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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