Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
