the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
