I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
