Your dad touched me again.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
