Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
