Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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