Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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