There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
