Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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