the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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