"it" just moved
if only i could text you this smell
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
