i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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