i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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