I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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