what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
