Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
