my mouth tastes like poor choices
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
