oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
