I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
