i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
