I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
