you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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