White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
