Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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