i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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