I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
