I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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