I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
