I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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