I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
