Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
