Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
