I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
