I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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