there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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