I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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