I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
