I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is classic penis vs brain.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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