I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
