It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
