Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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