You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
