He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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