is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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