we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
