I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
