Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
