I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
