it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
