Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
