Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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