your parents love me but you hate me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
